So what did my southern “bellefriends” say about their “southern roots” and how it expanded the expression of who they are?

The “be seen and not heard” thing taught me to listen on a deeper level.

I thought the stork burped or something and dropped me off. Being uncomfortable compelled me to find my own internal fit.

All of the experiences, the good, bad and indifferent played a part in molding me into the fabulous phenomenal woman I am today. I wouldn’t change a thing. 

I got to embrace the softness of being a woman. The southern softness is deep, essential and totally in my essence.

I am beginning to bloom at 50, discovering I don’t have to be what others want me to be. The southern label and all it brings encouraged me to get out of that small box. I am strong, single, independent and proud of it.

Thanks to my southern role model mom, I am a strong independent woman, who can be accommodating without losing herself.

I’ve learned I do have choices. I could close the book on what everyone taught me and re-open it myself. I get to choose my morals and values and I get to be me.

It’s taught me to be true to myself, to think for myself and stand on my own two feet.

I was taught to follow certain rules and roles or be ostracized. Who I was supposed to be felt limiting. So I have broken out of the mold to get to MY real roots, and be me!

Doesn’t this sound like all women who seek to re-claim their voice, power and passion and live life on their own terms?

I believe women have buckets of wisdom to share from their personal journeys. Stay tuned for the answers as I ask my oh so  wise southern “bellefriends”, “What guidance and perspective would you share with young southern women today?”

Continuing from yesterday, the second question I asked these southern belles was, “How did being a southern woman tend to keep you small or hinder  you in the expression of who you are?”  Their answers:

In my professional life I found an attitude of, “Hi honey, that’s nice, now go home and cook something”.

I was raised to be eye candy, have sex, make babies, and hire someone else to do the work. Men are the breadwinners in the family.

The southern rules of the polite exterior and sharp critical interior didn’t make sense to me.
 
I was told I was too loud, and that if I didn’t look like everyone else I had a serious character flaw.

As a black southern woman I felt invisible, unrecognized and not acknowledged.

I was taught it was arrogant to “toot my horn”.

I thought l had to cross over and take on more of a male role to be successful and powerful as a woman.

I was challenged to fit into the lace, frills, fru fru and “you all” type definition.

I thought I had a standard to live up to and it was quite confusing for me.

I didn’t know until I was a teenager that it was okay to use something other than white toilet paper or white sheets.

I think it was just the freedom and play. I really get how the charm benefited me, and yet when I moved out of that mold it was as if “all eyes were on me with who do you think you are?”

I was crushed that I couldn’t sit Indian style in my dress.

Stayed tuned for tomorrow. Hear how the southern belle label enhanced and expanded the expression and power of these same women.

Yesterday’s posting, “The Good Wife Guide” has been creating quite a stir among women. It reminded me how many boomer belles were handed their blueprints for life and the roles they were supposed to fulfill.

A few months back, I interviewed a number of southern boomer belles and asked the following questions:

How would you define a southern woman and do you consider yourself one?
Did the “southern belle” label keep you small and if so how?
Has the “southern belle” label expanded your power and if so how?
What guidance would you share with young southern women of today?

Here are a few of the answers to the question, how would you define a southern woman?

She is prissy, graceful, charming and always has to have it together.
She thinks she has a standard to live up to.
She has a powerful soul screaming to get out.
She has inner core strength beyond belief.
She is more global than her roots.
She is an outspoken woman who will speak her mind in a NY minute.
She never understood the rules.
She is well mannered, warm and has skeletons in the closet.
She can smile to your face and cut you behind your back.
She has an innate desire to nourish and care for others.
She is strong, has character and wants to make a difference. 
She creates and supports her sisterhood.
She is the queen of rebel belles.
She can stand on her own two feet and take care of herself.
She can step into any role, walk into any situation and adapt.
She is playful and likes to have fun.

Is this defining southern woman or could these be descriptions of all women? I’d love your thoughts!

Have you seen this May 1955 Good Housekeeping article, “The Good Wife Guide“? Initially, I laughed at the absurdity of it. Then I thought, No wonder I’m a Rebel Belle.

Put a ribbon in my hair? Cater to his comfort? Prepare his favorite dish? Never question his judgment… because I have no right? His topics of conversation are more important than mine? Be sincere in my desire to please him?

I’m dumbfounded. What am I missing here?

The final recommendation - “A good wife always knows her place!”

Knows her what?

Folks, this was for real! Women in the ’50s actually embraced these beliefs, and, in most cases, intended to pass them on to their daughters. At least that’s how it was in my home. I’ll never forget my mom telling me that my dad was happiest when he came home and found her on her knees scrubbing the floor. We’ve come a long way, baby!!

Check the article out for yourself. It’s titled “The Good Wife’s Guide”. I’d love to hear your comments.

I wonder how the women of the ’50s would feel about The Rebel Belle Guide to Bold Self-Expression?