Bold Self-Expression - A Defining Moment
“Parents can’t choose the mates of their children or the behavior of their children. You actually can’t choose anything for your children without disempowering them.”
I received this Daily Quote from Abraham-Hicks this morning and reacted immediately with the following thoughts:
OMG! Yes….this feels right. My mom NEVER allowed or taught me to be confident in making my decisions. At least that’s my perception and what I made up.
One of life’s defining moments of FREEDOM and EMPOWERMENT came at the age of 45. In the midst of divorcing my husband of 20 years, and according to my mom, uprooting my two small children from their world of security, my mom made this comment to me:
At what point Tuck, did your happiness become more important than that of your children’s?
I remember a long pause…..and having the THOUGHTS….
OMG! She doesn’t agree with me. She’ll be mad if I take care of ME.
She wants me to do this HER way.
Is this MY choice? Do I have the right to make a choice for myself?
Do I really put OTHER people’s happiness before MY OWN?
I took a deep breath and responded with a nervous but empowered…..
You know mom, I get that putting your children’s happiness first was what you needed to do for you and I respect your choice. And, this is the choice I need to make for me.
YOU KNOW WHAT? The world didn’t collapse like I expected it to. I made an EMPOWERED decision for the first time in life. I spoke MY truth with BOLDNESS – FULL OUT AND ON MY TERMS!
How ‘bout you? Did your parents empower your choices and behavior? Were you raised to follow and believe empowering choices were made by authority figures in life? I’d love to know….
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September 21st, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Great post! I, for one, do think we should put our happiness before our children’s. That may sound selfish, but who is going to teach my child to put herself first, if I don’t model this concept for her? It goes hand in hand with taking responsibility for creating our own happiness …
I’m not sure about disempowering our children by making choices for them … my child is two years old. Her choices would include sitting around in a poopy diaper, eating nothing but M&M’s, and running with scissors! As the child of a very controlling mother, I would love to allow her to make her own choices. At the same time, I also sometimes need to leave the house in a timely manner. I’ve really struggled with this! So far, I’ve opted for a system of clear choices and consistent consequences. As in: “Put on your pants, or we’re not going for a walk. Okay, no pants mean no walk. This is your final warning. If your pants are not on in five, four, three, two, one … okay, we’re not going for a walk.” A toddler tantrum ensues. Hey, she could have easily put on her pants, right? I don’t know … too controlling? Disempowering? I’m open to suggestions!
Blessings,
Andrea
September 22nd, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Hi Andrea…your post had me smiling the whole way through. My son and daughter are now 26 and 23…but I remember the counting days. I feel ya! How many children do you have and how old? If you’ll send me their birth info, date, time and location, I’ll share a really cool secret with you about interacting with your child.
By the way…I think you’re right on with how you’re making choices. I think the quote was more for as they age. I parent my kids a lot different in relation to their making choices than I was parented. And, we communicate about it a whole lot more. My daughter and I have done lots and lots of workshops together around empowered listening and communication. She rocks my world now…OMG! how I love my kids!!!